Bad biscuits make the baker broke, bro

22,702 notes

You know, funny story: There’s this craft store called Michaels. Look, my sister knits, and she goes to Michaels. So my sister called me and she’s like, “Oh my god, I’m at Michaels, picking up yarn. You have a poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “What?” She’s like, “There’s a poster, there’s a Falcon poster at Michaels.” I’m like, “Holy s**t!” She’s like, “I’m gonna come and pick you up, and we’re gonna see your poster in this store.” So she picks me up and we go to Michaels.

We go in, and I see the poster and I’m like, “Oh, this is….” She’s like, “I know, I know.” I said, “I’m gonna sign these posters.” I was like, “That would be amazing, you buy a poster and it’s like, actually signed by the Falcon.” Like, it would blow my mind. So I go to the front, I buy a Sharpie, I run back to the back of the store. And she’s like, “I’m gonna take a picture of you signing it.”

I’m in this store and I’m signing all the posters. The manager comes out, he’s like, “Hey, whatcha doing?” I was like, “Oh man, I’m signing these posters so when people buy ‘em, they’re signed.” He’s like, “Well, people are not gonna buy ‘em if they’re signed.” And I was like, “No, no, no, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a problem.” And he goes, “Yeah, but it is gonna be a problem, you’re messin’ up my inventory.” And I’m like, “No, my man, trust me. I mean, I’m the Falcon, that’s me!” And he goes, “Yeah, right. You’re gonna buy those posters.” I said, “What?” He’s like, “You’re gonna buy all those posters or I’m gonna call the police.”

He rolls up all the posters and goes to the front of the store. And I had to buy like 60 Falcon posters that I signed in Michaels.

Anthony Mackie getting in trouble for signing his posters at a Micheals  (x)

(Source: fwips, via cracktastic)

Filed under hahahaha oh dear

32,034 notes


I think the thing people don’t realize with that bullshit “well not all guys are dangerous, you should give them a chance” or what the fuck ever is like 

if i had a plate of cookies and i was like yeah, a few of them have laxatives in them and one’s got cyanide in there, BUT THEY’RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT

you’re probably not gonna take a fucking cookie

(Source: acederek, via oldcoyote)

15,125 notes


d’you think the avengers ever play a game where they try to push steve’s buttons and get him all riled up and patriotic?

tony casually throws it into a conversation like “oh yeah I don’t vote” and steve trails off mid-sentence and gapes for a second before he starts in on the importance of the democratic process and how dangerous it can be if citizens give up their say in how the government is run and tony is trying so so hard to keep a straight face

meanwhile bruce is standing in the background timing the speech with his watch because whoever gets the longest rant wins a little trophy that tony made. the current holder of the trophy is clint who managed to convince steve that he doesn’t pay taxes

(via sidekickinit)

41 notes

Anonymous asked: Could you please write another Scira fic?


of course i can because i’m literally in love with them

a sequel to the previous one which is here:

Spoilers for 3.16 included; established relationship; very fluffy with very little drama; past kira/female oc; kira-centric

Still ace!scott and demi!kira

triggers: racist slurs, misogynistic language, discussion of sex but no actual sex


Since starting to date Scott and finding out about werewolves (what a mess that was), Kira has figured out that literally nothing is as innocent as it seems. Including herself.

She’s taken a picture of herself every night since she got her first camera phone. It was one of the reasons she begged her parents to let her upgrade to the Nokia Lumia when they renewed their contract—she likes selfies, and she likes Instagram, and she likes high quality phone pictures. It just wouldn’t be the same if she used a real camera.

Before the aura—Lydia always calls it that—showed up, Kira always considered herself pretty average looking. She hadn’t grown up in Asia, so she never really had to come to grips with being half-Korean and half-Japanese—no one here can tell the difference. But she does look at herself in the mirror, sees the way her nose belongs to her mother and her eyes belong to her father. Every night, she holds the camera at a different angle, tries to find what is uniquely hers about her face.

She thinks that’s pretty normal, though, and eventually the aura did show up. That’s pretty specific to her, she thinks, though she wonders about her parents and whether they’re the same.

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Filed under fuck this i should not be crying this late at night words aren't supposed to be this perfect

109 notes

Anonymous asked: ace Scott + person of ur choice


Oh that’s great I’ve never tried ace!Scott!!

I was going to write scydia but then I just really liked the Scira and decided to stop there. So, there’s past scallison, but Scira is endgame.


When they’re thirteen, Stiles says, “Do you even like people like that?”

Scott knows, somehow, exactly what he means, because he always knows what Stiles means. What he doesn’t know is how to answer it. He’s tried thinking about sex before, and while it’s not exactly repulsive, there’s no one he can really picture trusting enough to do that with. He thinks that’s probably weird, because he is thirteen, and his mom keeps calling him a bundle of hormones and he’s pretty sure that means something about sex. Probably. Most things seem to be about sex.

Just…not for him.

So he just shrugs, and Stiles doesn’t bring it up again.

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Filed under emmlette i'm tagging you just to say fuck you i'm sobbing now this made me so damn happy holy fuck it's like all of my dreams come true

19,567 notes



a sphinx girl who’s absolute balls at riddles but fucking loves terrible puns

a traveler is blocked by a sphinx suddenly while going along a path. “what do bees brush their hair with?” she asks, and he’s FREAKING OUT, he’s going to get fucking eaten, didn’t the sphinx DIE, oh god what was the riddle, he knows this one oh shit he knows this one what was it, oh fuck, what the fuck


the sphinx narrows her eyes and bares her teeth a little. oh shit, the traveler thinks, oh shit he’s fucking dead.

the sphinx grins like a goddamn doofus and struggles to hold back laughter as she answers “a honeycomb

(via ecarian)

Filed under puns yes

42,946 notes

there is a women in China holding a black umbrella so she
won’t taste the salt of the rain when the sky begins to weep,

there is a 17 year old girl who smells like pomegranates and has summer air tight on her naked skin, wrapping around her scars
like veins in a bloody garden, who won’t make it past tomorrow,

there is a young man, who buys yellow flowers for the woman
in apartment 84B, who learned braille when he realized she
couldn’t read his poetry about her white neck and mint eyes

there are people watching films,
making love for the first time, opening mail with the
heading of ‘i miss you’, cooking noodles with
organic spices and red sauces, buying lemon detergent,
ignoring ‘do not smoke’ signs, painting murals
of his lips in abandoned warehouses, chewing
the words ‘i love you’ over and over again, swallowing
phone numbers and forgotten birthdays, eating
strawberry pies, drinking white wine off of each
others open mouths, ignoring the telephone,
reading this poem

someone is thinking
i’m alone
someone finally understands
they never really

poems from my uncles graves  (via theunkiss)

(Source: irynka, via hamletta)

Filed under words